"The poetry of a sinking ship" by one of my favorite artist Kurt Halsey.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Sunday
Why You Keep Coming Back"
Because you’re addicted. Because you know exactly what Edward meant when he called Bella his own “personal brand of heroin” and you’re ashamed to admit you feel that way. Because you’re like a moth to the flame with this person, because you know you’ll get hurt in the end and yet. Because a part of you knows better and another part doesn’t want to; because you’re not ready to all-the-way know better. Because this is a suicide leap but the way they make you feel makes it somehow worth it.
Because they speak your language. Because they understand you even when they don’t. Because on some deep, intrinsic level you just get each other. Because sometimes it seems like they know you better than you know yourself. Because they’ve seen the worst of you and the best; because, regardless of how they hurt you, you still feel an inexplicable trust.
Because you’re afraid. You’re afraid you’ll never be loved like that again; you’re afraid no one else will be in tune with you, your moods, the essence of who you are in this necessary specific way. Because you’re afraid you don’t have the capacity to love anyone like that again; afraid all your love energy is spent, afraid you’re incapable of ever emotionally getting it up for anyone else. Because you’ve never been so vulnerable with anyone else and the thought of even trying makes you feel hopeless and tired.
Because you think this time will be different, think that with all the naiveté of someone proposing marriage to their drug addicted mate hoping that’s the move that will cure them. “This time will be different” — you hear people say that and you roll your eyes so loud you wake up the neighbors but you do exactly the same thing; the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Because you think you can make this work if you try a little harder, if you just push a little more.
Because you believe in it, against your better judgment. Because you think it’s worth it; because you don’t stop to consider the very real possibility that the negatives outweigh the positives. Because you think you owe each other, your history, something still; because you feel inherently bonded and you don’t want to break it. Because you leave logic out of it; because after all, the heart wants what the heart wants and what can you do about that.
Because you live in the past, because you remember who you were once, who they were, and what you had; remember this and want to rewind. Because you think it’s possible to somehow recreate an idealized past in an unsure future. Because you’ve been holding onto the possibility of becoming a whole again for months, for years, safe and protected by the idea that no matter what happens, you’re not alone because of that faint background possibility of Us.
Because you think they’ll change, you’ll change, the circumstances will change; things will somehow mysteriously get better. Because you think this time around you’ll appreciate each other because you know what it’s like to be without. Because you have kids together. Because you have a dog together. Because you have amazing memories together. Because you have an “amor vincit omnia” tattoo. Because Hollywood or literature or God made you believe that love is enough. Because you don’t want to think about the possibility of a world in which it isn’t.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Questions For My Future Love
Image via: pinterest
From the Thought Catalog By Mila Jaroniec
Is your heart open? Do you know I’m a new person, you’re a new person and there’s no point of comparison between who we are and who you were? Does knowing that make you feel better or worse? Do you feel stable or unsteady? You’ve never done this before. We’ve never done this before. Are you ready?
Are you going to support me when sh-t gets crazy? Are you going to be there for my rejections, my existential freakouts, my moments of self-doubt that rise and fall with every ignored manuscript and unanswered email? Do you know when to give advice and when to shut up? Do you have a good grasp on the proper way to do both? Do you know I exaggerate, get tunnel vision, self-medicate when things aren’t going well? Do you know what not to take personally? Do you know when to call me out on my bullsh-t?
Do you think you can handle my family? It’s not easy, but they’re not going anywhere so are you willing to learn? Can you handle uncomfortable questions and disapproving looks from time to time? Can you deal with the occasional backhanded compliment? Are you able to smile and nod while my mother shows you the proper way to weed a garden, even if you have an apartment? Do you know how to be respectful even when you don’t agree? Do you know my family is important to me? Are you going to make me choose?
Do you know what you’re doing, like what you’re actually doing? Are you independent, or are you going to make me mother you, carry you, because it’s more comfortable that way? Do you expect us to just “work out” in some magical way without thinking it through? Do you think all our latent problems will be solved by you getting down on one knee? Do you know the idea of marriage makes me feel claustrophobic? Do you know that when I say “yes,” I want to be absolutely sure? Do you realize there’s no guarantee that will happen?
Do you have a job? A life? Do you have something you’re passionate about, something that keeps you up at night, something that isn’t me? Or do you just want me — want us and nothing else? Do you expect me to be the center of your universe or do you know the balance? I can’t be the center of your universe, that’s way too much pressure and I will disappoint you. Do you understand that there will be times I will disappoint you?
You need alone time too, right? Are you going to let me have my alone time without getting weird? Do you have any friends actually? Are there people you genuinely enjoy spending time with, people who make you see the world a little differently? Do you have a working sense of humor? Do you know that sometimes things don’t make any sense at all? Is that okay?
Do you have a philosophy? Do you believe in things? Do you understand believing isn’t knowing? Do you define yourself by what you embrace or by what you reject? Do you take the time to learn before passing judgment? Do you realize how completely absurd everything is? Does that upset you? Do you care?
Are you willing to try with me? Are you willing to throw your heart in full speed? Are you willing to cut the cord when you know it’s not working, or are you going to push to the very end and make me be the one to say what’s on both our minds? Are you going to be honest with yourself about what you want? Are you going to be honest with me about what you need and when you’re not getting it? Are you willing to be honest?
If you thought I asked a lot of questions back then, you were wrong. The questions will only continue. Now I question everything.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
City and Colour - Day Old Hate
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to keep ourselves alive.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Mumford & Sons
"Dans ces corps nous vivrons,
dans ces corps nous mourrons,
où tu mets ton amour,
où tu mets ta vie."
"Réveille mon âme"
So beautiful.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Hey Zoe!
Hey Zoe! I think I love you. I love your carefree style, looking comfy and yet pulled together. See more of her style after the jump...
Friday, June 1, 2012
The girl
When there are no words to say anymore, sometimes I like to think that music carries thoughts to me, from other people.
It's the way the heart communicates. From your heart to mine.
This song gave me the biggest lump in my throat.
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