Donut Seeds

 

 I had a packet of donut seeds when I was younger. I honestly thought they would grow. My mom even helped me plant them in my backyard. She told me they were cheerios but I didn't believe her. Alas, no donuts. But who knows, maybe I'll get lucky. =)

life

Source: southernpiphi.tumblr.com via Shop on Pinterest

Despite all the stress and pressure, I know that I am very fortunate to be living the life I live. 

I try to cherish it because not all of us are fortunate enough to have today.

So do the best you can. Try your hardest.

OHN

Source: typeverything.com via Jeanne / Shop Sweet Things on Pinterest

My last semester of law school starts tomorrow. Can't believe this part of my life is coming to a close. Not sure I'm ready for it. Oh wtf. I'm totally ready for it! Bring it.

Resolutions

 

This year I will:

- Frame and hang all of my artwork

- Replace my hand-me-down rugs for actual rugs

- Get a dining set

- Get more plants

- PASS THE BAR!

Holidaze

 

 Christmas is 6 days away and I have no decorations in my apartment. It's kind of like Christmas is just going to pass me by this year. I wish I could just wake up and be surrounded by this. I love Christmas-time but this year, the only way I have celebrated is by having a couple red cups at Starbucks and eating a bajillion Christmas cookies in my office's break room. 

But luckily I have snow and a cabin to look forward to. Oh and family! My bruh bruh is coming home tomorrow! I can't believe the year is coming to an end. But I guess time flies when you're having fun!

Dear Mom

 

 via: Pinterest

I was just thinking about you today. I read that card you mailed to me before you and Dad went off to Europe. The one with the lotus in the rain, that you bought 3 years before I was even born. The words you wrote were so beautiful. You are an amazing inspiration and I thank God every day for everything we've ever experienced together. Thank you for always believing that I can do more and do it better. Even though it was really hard to deal with growing up, I now know it was because you believed in me. So thank you for that. I hope that I can make you proud. I love you.

3L Year

 

Yup. 

P.S. Mom, don't call me about this. Everything is fine.

Sunday

Mila Jaroniec explains "Why You Keep Coming Back"

Because you’re addicted. Because you know exactly what Edward meant when he called Bella his own “personal brand of heroin” and you’re ashamed to admit you feel that way. Because you’re like a moth to the flame with this person, because you know you’ll get hurt in the end and yet. Because a part of you knows better and another part doesn’t want to; because you’re not ready to all-the-way know better. Because this is a suicide leap but the way they make you feel makes it somehow worth it.

Because they speak your language. Because they understand you even when they don’t. Because on some deep, intrinsic level you just get each other. Because sometimes it seems like they know you better than you know yourself. Because they’ve seen the worst of you and the best; because, regardless of how they hurt you, you still feel an inexplicable trust.

Because you’re afraid. You’re afraid you’ll never be loved like that again; you’re afraid no one else will be in tune with you, your moods, the essence of who you are in this necessary specific way. Because you’re afraid you don’t have the capacity to love anyone like that again; afraid all your love energy is spent, afraid you’re incapable of ever emotionally getting it up for anyone else. Because you’ve never been so vulnerable with anyone else and the thought of even trying makes you feel hopeless and tired.

Because you think this time will be different, think that with all the naiveté of someone proposing marriage to their drug addicted mate hoping that’s the move that will cure them. “This time will be different” — you hear people say that and you roll your eyes so loud you wake up the neighbors but you do exactly the same thing; the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Because you think you can make this work if you try a little harder, if you just push a little more.

Because you believe in it, against your better judgment. Because you think it’s worth it; because you don’t stop to consider the very real possibility that the negatives outweigh the positives. Because you think you owe each other, your history, something still; because you feel inherently bonded and you don’t want to break it. Because you leave logic out of it; because after all, the heart wants what the heart wants and what can you do about that.

Because you live in the past, because you remember who you were once, who they were, and what you had; remember this and want to rewind. Because you think it’s possible to somehow recreate an idealized past in an unsure future. Because you’ve been holding onto the possibility of becoming a whole again for months, for years, safe and protected by the idea that no matter what happens, you’re not alone because of that faint background possibility of Us.

Because you think they’ll change, you’ll change, the circumstances will change; things will somehow mysteriously get better. Because you think this time around you’ll appreciate each other because you know what it’s like to be without. Because you have kids together. Because you have a dog together. Because you have amazing memories together. Because you have an “amor vincit omnia” tattoo. Because Hollywood or literature or God made you believe that love is enough. Because you don’t want to think about the possibility of a world in which it isn’t.

Wednesday

 

The moments worth living for.

Don't

 

image via: observando

6.9.12

 

image via: observando

not anymore

 

image via: observando

Questions For My Future Love

Image via: pinterest

From the Thought Catalog By Mila Jaroniec

Is your heart open? Do you know I’m a new person, you’re a new person and there’s no point of comparison between who we are and who you were? Does knowing that make you feel better or worse? Do you feel stable or unsteady? You’ve never done this before. We’ve never done this before. Are you ready?

Are you going to support me when sh-t gets crazy? Are you going to be there for my rejections, my existential freakouts, my moments of self-doubt that rise and fall with every ignored manuscript and unanswered email? Do you know when to give advice and when to shut up? Do you have a good grasp on the proper way to do both? Do you know I exaggerate, get tunnel vision, self-medicate when things aren’t going well? Do you know what not to take personally? Do you know when to call me out on my bullsh-t?

Do you think you can handle my family? It’s not easy, but they’re not going anywhere so are you willing to learn? Can you handle uncomfortable questions and disapproving looks from time to time? Can you deal with the occasional backhanded compliment? Are you able to smile and nod while my mother shows you the proper way to weed a garden, even if you have an apartment? Do you know how to be respectful even when you don’t agree? Do you know my family is important to me? Are you going to make me choose?

Do you know what you’re doing, like what you’re actually doing? Are you independent, or are you going to make me mother you, carry you, because it’s more comfortable that way? Do you expect us to just “work out” in some magical way without thinking it through? Do you think all our latent problems will be solved by you getting down on one knee? Do you know the idea of marriage makes me feel claustrophobic? Do you know that when I say “yes,” I want to be absolutely sure? Do you realize there’s no guarantee that will happen?

Do you have a job? A life? Do you have something you’re passionate about, something that keeps you up at night, something that isn’t me? Or do you just want me — want us and nothing else? Do you expect me to be the center of your universe or do you know the balance? I can’t be the center of your universe, that’s way too much pressure and I will disappoint you. Do you understand that there will be times I will disappoint you?

You need alone time too, right? Are you going to let me have my alone time without getting weird? Do you have any friends actually? Are there people you genuinely enjoy spending time with, people who make you see the world a little differently? Do you have a working sense of humor? Do you know that sometimes things don’t make any sense at all? Is that okay?

Do you have a philosophy? Do you believe in things? Do you understand believing isn’t knowing? Do you define yourself by what you embrace or by what you reject? Do you take the time to learn before passing judgment? Do you realize how completely absurd everything is? Does that upset you? Do you care?

Are you willing to try with me? Are you willing to throw your heart in full speed? Are you willing to cut the cord when you know it’s not working, or are you going to push to the very end and make me be the one to say what’s on both our minds? Are you going to be honest with yourself about what you want? Are you going to be honest with me about what you need and when you’re not getting it? Are you willing to be honest?  

If you thought I asked a lot of questions back then, you were wrong. The questions will only continue. Now I question everything.

trust

 

It's so hard to build trust. It takes effort and risk, sometimes kisses, sometimes tears. It's the hardest thing to grow. But it's amazing how easy it is to tear it up. How something you spent years building and a connection you thought was so special could be meaningless in a second. A second is all it takes to wipe it all away.

So please, don't ever take that for granted. But don't forget, that there will be people that will lose your trust. When that happens, you have to let them go. Once trust is gone, it will never come back the same. You can't rebuild something that was destroyed like that. You can't fix it. 

 

Sometimes goodbye is the best thing you can say. And sometimes it stops hurting once you say it. 

Final Season Reflections

Now I know finals don't end until tomorrow at like 1pm. But these are some things that I noticed about myself when it's finals.

1. I love doing chores I normally hate. When it's finals I will stop everything to do the dishes. As in I will stop mid-sentence of my outline to be like "oh hey there are dishes I can wash!"

2. When I do anything to progress my studying, as in write one page on my take home final, I reward myself. See below.

 

3. I enjoy Youtube videos that I normally don't care for, aka "Haul" videos, which are videos of girls posting shit they buy. Why do I care what you buy? Right now I care because I haven't seen the outside world in about three days and I don't know what's going on out there. So please, share with me your Forever 21 and Target purchases. They thrill me!

4. I have no appetite. Except for noodles (which I normally like). But food no longer brings me joy.

5. Because of the aforementioned (law school creeping in my vocabulary. sorry.) problem in number 4, I think I have lost alot of weight. I don't have a scale so I can't tell for sure. But I'm pretty sure I see a 2 pack, and I don't go to the gym or work out. So not sure where that came from.

6. My knees and ankle hurt when I study too late. It's probably due to the fact that I sit cross-legged at my desk for 12 to 16 hours a day. So yay for pre-mature joint pain.

7. I check sites like #whatshouldwecallme, #wheninlawschool, and #howdoiputthisgently religiously. Just so I know someone out there may be sharing my pain. 

8. Being a female and hormonal during finals is the worst. Everything will make you cry. Everything will make you sad. And you will feel like shit. The end. See below for what every night felt like.

9. But the second your dreaded Aunt Flo leaves, you will be freaking happy and feel on top of the world! And kill two finals in one day. Bam!

10. You realize the actual final exams are not getting any easier but the process is easier. And you also don't give a shit when you eat annoyingly loud snacks while taking your final. Hah!

11. And this time tomorrow, this will be me. So I'm ready to say peace out to 2L.

P.S. My mom is going to read this and tell me to keep studying. Hi Mom!

5.6.12

 

You don't.

Count

via: Pinterest

I need to remind myself to stop waiting for the days to go by but to work hard to forget that they are going by. I know it's only 7 more days until finals are over but I need to work really hard until then. I need to find motivation to keep going.

Ehh?

Wait, you mean only a month left before finals? Best get crackin'!

Always

Re-set